


varför måste vi bo i jävla kuk-Åmål?

by presentpathos



Category: Fucking Åmål | Show Me Love (1998)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-23
Updated: 2010-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-14 00:12:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/143214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/presentpathos/pseuds/presentpathos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Beta'd by Genarti, who has a sharp eye for variant verb tenses.</p>
    </blockquote>





	varför måste vi bo i jävla kuk-Åmål?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emei/gifts).



> Beta'd by Genarti, who has a sharp eye for variant verb tenses.

**First**

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.  What the _hell_ had she just done?  It was one thing to say you didn't care about popularity, or high school or stupid fucking Amal.  It was a completely different thing to literally come out of the (water)closet with Agnes Ahlberg.   It looked like half the school was standing in the hallways waiting to see who she'd drag out of the bathroom.  As if they didn't have better things to do.  

If Agnes was as scared as Elin she wasn't showing it.  She grabbed Elin's hand and smiled shyly and Elin decided, fuck it, if Agnes could do it, she could do it.  So she held her head up high, dared anyone to even think about saying something untoward and tugged Agnes down the hall and out the door. They could ditch school today.  She didn't feel like it.  And Agnes was a brainiac, they'd be fine.  They'd got about fifty metres down the road before Agnes stopped and pulled Elin into a soft kiss, a thousand times more excellent than the kiss they shared on the road to Stockholm.  

“Do you like chocolate milk?”

 

 **Two Months Later**

She wasn't surprised that Agnes's parents didn't like her.  She'd been kind of a bitch the one and only time they'd met.  And then she'd tried to take Agnes to Stockholm and they found out about that.  Then she turned their only daughter into a lesbo.  So no, they didn't like her.   Which meant that the number of available places for them to make out were narrowed to her own apartment, which was so not on, since her sister was still being such a fucking cow about Agnes Elin had punched her three times already this week; or the playground which was out for the obvious reason that it was a playground and therefore full of people.  Also it was fucking freezing most of the time.

So they were reduced to sneaking around the school looking for empty supply closets and abandoned classrooms so they could make out. Well  really Elin was reduced to it.  Agnes didn't really care if they made out in the playground or if Elin's sister was a total bitch all the time or if Agnes's parents hated Elin.  She didn't really care what anyone who wasn't Elin thought. Agnes once told her she couldn't remember when that hadn't been true. It hadn't freaked her out. Not at all.  Elin wanted the Ahlbergs to like her though.  She wanted Jessica not to be a bitch to Agnes _all the time_ and so they were going to make out in closets until everyone liked everyone else.

They had just been kicked out of yet another janitor's closet by yet another school teacher so Elin decided they were going to ditch the rest of the day.

"Come on, we're leaving." She grabbed Agnes's hand and yanked her towards the front doors.

"Elin! We ditched yesterday!" Agnes stood her ground, as usual. It annoyed Elin sometimes, that Agnes was so fucking stubborn all the time. Once they had gotten together and Agnes had realized Elin liked her as much as she had liked Elin for so long she stopped being such a pushover. It was infuriating because Elin really liked getting her way. It was maybe her favourite thing besides making out with Agnes. Now more often than not Agnes got her way and it drove Elin a little crazy.

"If we don't ditch now your parents will be home when we get to your house and my idiot sister and those whores will all be at my mother's house and we won't get to make out!"  Elin had tried hard to rein her temper in with Agnes and with other people when Agnes was around.  She didn't want Agnes to think she was a psycho-killer or a woman abuser or something.  But sometimes it got away from her and a shrill scream would creep into her voice.

Usually when this started to happen Agnes would cock one eyebrow and Elin would blush and then she'd stop.  This time she didn't stop when the eyebrow went up. She kept going.

"It is so fucking ridiculous that I have to sneak around school ducking into closets to be with you!  Christian and his girlfriend practically DO IT against their lockers and no one says anything! I can't even hold your fucking hand!" Agnes was smiling at her, actually fucking smiling and Elin could see students and teachers sticking their heads out of classroom doors, and she knew she really should stop but she couldn't.

"Seriously, it's been two years. Why can't they fucking get over it? You assholes can all go piss in the fucking bushes!" She didn't even know what that meant. "I can't believe we still live in fucking fucking dick-Amal!"  

Agnes was giggling now, reaching out her hand and pulling Elin close.  The flare of temper had mostly simmered down and Elin let herself be held. Elin knew people were staring at them. She'd made a tiny bit of a spectacle of herself, but with Agnes's arms around her shoulders, softly stroking her hair, she didn't notice them at all. Besides, she'd already told them where to go.

 

 **One Year After That**

It's not like they stayed unpopular.  She might have been a lesbian now but she was still Elin Olsson, still a little insane and still the hottest girl in their year so they ended up getting invited to parties.  Lots of parties.  Elin drank, less than she used to but still too much, and Agnes didn't.  It worked out for Elin because it meant she always had someone to keep an eye out for her on the way home.  Elin thought it worked out for Agnes because Elin gets handsy when she's drunk.

 

 **And Then This Happened**

“So this is it,” said Mr. Ahlberg. Elin wasn't sure what he was talking about.  Graduating, she guessed.

“I guess so.” She was glad he'd stopped hating her. It made it easier to go to Agnes's now that her dad was willing to run interference for her against Agnes's mother who still, inexplicably, thought she was the Devil in a red halter top.

“Agnes tells me you’re going to Stockholm, to school.”  Elin wasn't sure why they were talking. They didn't usually. Elin didn't really have anything to say and was so terrible at pretending to listen that Olof had finally given up talking to her if Agnes wasn't in the room.

“Yeah, I'm thinking about become a vet. Or a model.” It was, she realized, a ridiculous answer but she couldn't stop giving it. Agnes always laughed.

“Veterinarian eh? Excellent. Good money in that. Agnes wants to be a writer. Noble enough, but there's no money in it. It's good you're thinking of it.” Did he just? Elin could hardly contain her laughter. She just wanted to wait on the porch but he kept talking, and had he just implied she was supposed to support Agnes forever? It’s not the _most_ awkward five minutes of her life (that would be the time her mom walked in on them... doing stuff) but it surely must be in the top five.

“ Well I might also become a model. I can't decide.” He made a face that was just... she wished she could take a picture for Agnes. Who was now very late. And would have to be punished.

 

 **Four Hours After That**

“I can't believe you made me sit on the porch with your dad for twenty fucking minutes.” Elin bit Agnes on the shoulder.

“Once!” Agnes was laughing, so she must not have bitten hard enough. “Do you know how many times you've made me wait in that awful little apartment with your mother or _Jessica_ and that mouth breather?” Agnes returned Elin's bite with a pinch.

“Ouch! Fuck!” Elin couldn't stop laughing, despite actually being annoyed. “The difference is my mother and Jessica never say anything to you! Olof never stops talking!”

“Like being ignored is so much better. And I don't understand why your mother won't talk to me. Doesn't she realize that you haven't ridden the elevator in just your underwear once in the entire time we've been together?”

“Why are we even going to this thing anyway? Why don't we hitchhike to Stockholm instead, for old time's sake?”

“Oh yes. Let's.” Agnes's voice dripped with sarcasm.

Elin put on her best hurt face. “Why don't you ever want to do anything fun?” It was supposed to be funny, because Agnes almost always agreed to go along with whatever she cooked up, but she actually was a little hurt.

“Elin,” Agnes sighed. “You're the one who wanted to go to this stupid thing. You're the one who likes these people. I can't stand them and they hate me. So we're going because you wanted to go. As always.”

“Well then we're not going. They don't like you and so they can go fuck themselves. I don't know why I ever made you go.” It happened so fast Elin wasn't clear on what they were fighting about, but she knew they were fighting. “We'll go sit in your room and listen to depressing music instead. Maybe Viktoria will come over.” It was a horrible thing to say and she slapped both hands over her mouth as soon as it came out, wishing desperately she could take it back. “Agnes, I'm―”

“No. I think you've said enough. I don't understand you at all sometimes. I left you alone for twenty minutes with my dad so I could make myself look _pretty_ for your stupid sexist friends and your idiot sister who graduated last year and still hangs around fucking Amal going to stupid parties and just waiting to get knocked up and you're so mad and so stupid you didn't even notice. You just launched into how hard it was for you, how boring my dad, who likes you enough to take an interest by the way, fucking like _talked to you_.” She spun on her heel and ran down the street.

Elin's mouth was dry and her throat so tight she couldn't breathe. It took her a minute to shout out, “Agnes, I'm sorry!”

Agnes kept going.

 

 **Two Days Elin Spends in Bed**

So she missed the stupid party after all. Instead she went home and spent two days in bed. Not crying and most definitely _not_ calling Agnes and leaving long apologies into her voicemail. Jessica kept sticking her head in her room and making fun of her until Elin was forced to throw a vase at her face. Then her mother threw Elin out.

She called Viktoria because even though they both kind of hated the other, both of them liked Agnes and sometimes they put those feelings aside for her sake. Like for surprise parties. And when Elin had fucked up.

“She's pretty pissed at you. What did you say?” She could sound a little less smug, Elin thought.

“I don't know. I made fun of her dad. And didn't notice her hair or something.” Elin knew it was more than that, but she couldn't figure out what. “I think maybe there's more to it than that.”

“She's afraid probably.”

Elin had no idea what Viktoria was talking about.

“What could she possibly be afraid of? She's going to fucking Uppsala next year. She's a fucking genius.”

“Well, she hasn't said anything to me, but she's probably afraid of you moving to Stockholm, the lesbian capital of Northern Europe and you know, getting tired of going to Uppsala every weekend.” That couldn't possibly be true. Viktoria was clearly an idiot.

“That can't possibly be true, you idiot. Agnes is a much better lesbian than I am. Much smarter and prettier. I'm the one who's fucking terrified she'll leave me. Do you know how many fucking smart people there are in Uppsala? A lot. Surely some of them are lesbians. In fucking Amal I'm the only option. In Uppsala...” God, she could hardly bear to think it, let alone say it.

“Maybe I'm not the one you should be saying this to, you witless cow.”

“Oh, well, I guess not. Thanks I guess. Slag.”

 

 **Now**

Neither of them smile when they see each other. It's been twelve years since they met, ten since they broke up and nine since they last spoke.

Elin's blown away when she sees Agnes across the room. She looks... like Agnes, only older. More amazing, if that's even possible. She's trying to decide what to do, whether to go to her or run from her when Agnes's eyes widen in recognition. If she wavers at all it doesn't show on her face. There isn't a moment of indecision before she cuts across the room. In a few moments she's standing before Elin.

“Hi.” Agnes is nervous, which makes Elin feel a little better.

“You're the last person I expected to see here. You hated all these people.” Agnes has a piece of hair floating in her face and Elin wants to tuck it behind her ear, has always wanted to tuck it behind her ear. She resists.

“Half these people are my patients now. I see them every day around town, it would be weird not to. What about you? I thought you were leaving and never coming back?”

“Viktoria called.” They're friends now, It's totally weird, so they don't talk about it. “She insisted.”

Now Agnes starts to smile. “She called me too. I wasn't going to come. I did hate these people, and I do see them all the time. She... insisted.”

“Why are you here, in Amal?” Elin leaves the rest unsaid.

“In this place? My father got sick. My mother couldn't cope alone. Oskar lives in Germany now, so I came home. A doctor can doctor anywhere.” Agnes looks tired.

“Oh, I'm sorry, is he okay?” Elin still remembers how kind he was to them and how much he and Agnes liked each other.

“He died last week.” Now Elin can no longer resist. She reaches out and tucks the stray hair behind Agnes's ear.

“I'm sorry. That's... I'm very sorry.” She leaves her hand on Agnes's cheek.

“I'm leaving, I think. Soon. Amal, not the party. My mother and I, we don't get along. It's better for both of us. She's talked about moving to Germany, closer to Oskar.” Elin still recognizes the many non-faces Agnes makes. She knows relief when she sees it.

“Come on, let's get out of here. Fucking Amal. I hate this place. Come on.” She holds out her hand. “I'll buy you a drink. In Stockholm.”


End file.
